Ugh. Things I can be sure of this time of year: I will be swimming in a post Christmas funk, semi-dreading the end of another year in which I accomplished nothing spectacular and sweating the fact that I will soon be turning another year older. Why oh why must it be this way? I begin questioning all the decisions I've made in my life and wondering why, every year at this time, I seem to always feel the same way. It's like I've spent the entire year walking a long lap only to end right where I began. Oh sure there are a few changes. I notice a few more wrinkles, pluck a couple gray hairs, and watch as my son grows faster than a sea monkey. I can rarely find any accomplishments to take comfort in and the year begins covered in a sheet of melancholy (and snow).
At the onset of my end of the year crisis, I always reach for the same book. Whether I read it cover to cover or the occasional chapter or three, it has become an essential item to jumpstart the force that drives me. Although it is listed under "Self-Help", an area of the book store I don't often frequent for fear someone I know may see me, it is not your ordinary self-help book (yes I have read one or two). When I think of the term self-help, I think of the SNL character Stuart Smalley sitting in front of his mirror, telling his reflection "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me". Daily affirmations have never worked for me, mostly because I find someway to discredit them. That is the way my brain works. Apparently it likes to play devil's advocate with itself. Anway, back to the book. It is titled Revolution from Within: A Book of Self-Esteem by Gloria Steinem. Do not be discouraged by the title, rather, look at the authors name. Hello, it's Gloria freakin' Steinem. Credibility right there.
This book was first published in the early 90's and became a #1 national bestseller. I purchased it sometime around 2001-2002 for a Women Studies class I took in college. We were required to read some of the chapters but, at the time, I don't think I really absorbed the information. I knew who Gloria Steinem was from readings in other Women Studies classes but at that time in my life, I was so focused on looking at the outside forces that had and were continuing to affect my life rather than analyzing myself and my own behaviors. It wasn't until about 5 years ago that I actually read the entire book and felt that I actually learned things about myself and the people in my life. As I said, I have read "self-help" books before, even went to therapy for a while, but this book is different. Rather than advice, she shares stories about herself and others, history and research she has done or read about. It's an educational and comforting read. A book that should be required reading for everyone, women AND men.
The reason I find myself picking it up at least once a year (if not more) is to remind myself that (to steal a quote from the book) "We create much of the outer world from within ourselves". As weeks and months pass, I seem to lose site of this fact. It's hard to unlearn bad habits (most of which we adopt at an early age) and to retrain your brain to take a different path every time it's faced with unforeseen obstacles. So when I look ahead at a new year filled with the same struggles, it can be a bit daunting. I figure the more I read the book, the more I learn and unlearn, the more likely I am to change my way of thinking so that one day, hopefully in the near future, I can feel as if I am continuing on the journey instead of reliving it.